the junkyard it's rubbish, it's clutter... but i just can't throw them to oblivion
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer.
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstance, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).
Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask someone. Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going?
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have
to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother too.
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it---looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2003, I will share equally in the
housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the
vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.
This has been a public service message for Women to better understand the Male species.
It is the year 2003 and Noah lives in the PHILIPPINES.
The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth.
Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "You must completethe Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.
"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems. First, I had to get a Mayor's permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire their engineering firm and redraw the plans."
"Then I got into a fight with Municipal Fire Safety Inspector over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and extinguishers."
"Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a permit from the municipal planning office. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Monkey-Eating Eagle. I finally convinced the DENR that I needed the wood to save the eagles. However, the DENR won't let me catch any eagles. So, no eagles."
"The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the KMU. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no eagles."
"When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard."
"Just when I got the suit dismissed, the DENR again notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact assessment on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe."
"Then the DPWH demanded a map of the proposed new flood plan. I sent them.....a globe."
"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the DOLE that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!"
"The BIR has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the BIR that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a recreational water craft."
"The NBI and ISAFP each wanted a piece of the action alleging that the Ark would be used by the Magdalo soldiers to escape. The PNP on the other hand insists that Al-Ghozi might use the Ark to flee to Indonesia."
"Malacanang sees the opportunity to use the Ark for GMA's Strong Republic Nautical Highway presidential campaign sorties."
"Finally the Senate got the courts to issue a TRO against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional."
"I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 10 or 16 years!"
Noah wailed. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully.
"You mean you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," said the Lord sadly. "The government is already doing that."
An interesting speech delivered by a CEO of a premier IT company of India during an employee session with another IT company in India. He is incidentally, one of the top 50 Influencial people of Asia according the latest Asiaweek publication and also the new IT Advisor to the Thailand Prime Minister.
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Extract of Mr. Narayana Murthy's Speech during Mentor Session:
LOVE YOUR JOB, BUT NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR COMPANY BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THE COMPANY STOPS LOVING YOU
I know people who work 12 hours a day, six days a week, or more. Some people do so because of a work emergency where the long hours are only temporary. Other people I know have put in these hours for years. I don't know if they are working all these hours, but I do know they are in the office this long. Others put in long office hours because they are addicted to the workplace. Whatever the reason for putting in overtime, working long hours over the long term is harmful to the person and to the organization.
There are things managers can do to change this for everyone's benefit. Being in the office long hours, over long periods of time, makes way for potential errors. My colleagues who are in the office long hours frequently make mistakes caused by fatigue. Correcting these mistakes requires their time as well as the time and energy of others. I have seen people work Tuesday through Friday to correct mistakes made after 5 PM on Monday.
Another problem is that people who are in the office long hours are not pleasant company. They often complain about other people (who aren't working as hard); they are irritable, or cranky, or even angry. Other people avoid them. Such behaviour poses problems, where work goes much better when people work together instead of avoiding one another.
As Managers, there are things we can do to help people leave the office.
First and foremost is to set the example and go home ourselves. I work with a manager who chides people for working long hours. His words quickly lose their meaning when he sends these chiding group e-mails with a time-stamp of 2 AM, Sunday.
Second is to encourage people to put some balance in their lives. For instance, here is a guideline I find helpful:
1) Wake up, eat a good breakfast, and go to work.
2) Work hard and smart for eight or nine hours.
3) Go home.
4) Read a books/comics, watch a funny movie, dig in the dirt, play with your kids, etc.
5) Eat well and sleep well.
This is called recreating. Doing steps 1, 3, 4, and 5 enable step 2.
Working regular hours and recreating daily are simple concepts. They are hard for some of us because that requires 'personal change'. They are possible since we all have the power to choose to do them. In considering the issue of overtime, I am reminded of my oldest son. When he was a toddler, if people were visiting the apartment, he would not fall asleep no matter how long the visit, and no matter what time of day it was. He would fight off sleep until the visitors left. It was as if he was afraid that he would miss something. Once our visitors' left, he would go to sleep. By this time, however, he was over tired and would scream through half the night with nightmares. He, my wife, and I, all paid the price for his fear of missing out.
Perhaps some people put in such long hours because they don't want to miss anything when they leave the office. The trouble with this is that events will never stop happening. That is life! Things happen 24 hours a day.
Allowing for little rest is not ultimately impractical. So, take a nap.
Things will happen while you're asleep, but you will have the energy to catch up when you wake.
Hence "LOVE YOUR JOB BUT NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR COMPANY!"
There was this guy named MARK. One night, he was walking all alone sa Balete Drive (e di ba, that road is infamous for having ghosts daw, white ladies and stuff?) Tapos sobrang dilim ng paligid, walang katao-tao...
Habang naglalakad siya, may narinig siyang tumawag sa name niya... "MARK! MARK! MARK!" Lumingon siya, pero, WALANG TAO!!! Binilisan niya yung lakad, tapos may tumatawag pa rin sa kanya!!! "MARK! MARK! MARK!"
Lumingon siya pero WALA PA RIN!!! Tumakbo na siya pero hinahabol pa rin siya talaga ng boses! "MARK! MARK! MARK!"
When he got to the corner of Balete Drive and E. Rodriguez (do these roads even intersect? Anyway... ), he saw a large sign, and written on it, in LARGE BOLD LETTERS
A group of children were playing near two railway tracks, one still in use while the other disused. Only one child played on the disused track, the rest on the operational track.
The train came, and you were just beside the track interchange. You could make the train change its course to the disused track and save most of the kids. However, that would also mean the lone child playing by the disused track would be sacrificed. Or would you rather let the train go its way? Let's take a pause to think what kind of decision we could make.
Most people might choose to divert the course of the train, and sacrifice only one child. You might think the same way, I guess. Exactly, I thought the same way initially because to save most of the children at the expense of only one child was a rational decision most people would make, morally and emotionally. But, have you ever thought that the child choosing to play on the disused track had in fact made the right decision to play at a safe place? Nevertheless, he has to be sacrificed because of his ignorant friends who chose to play where the danger was.
This kind of dilemma happens around us everyday. In the office, community, in politics and especially in a democratic society, the minority is often sacrificed for the interest of the majority, no matter how foolish or ignorant the majority are, and how farsighted and knowledgeable the minority are.
The child who chose not to play with the rest on the operational track was sidelined. And in the case he was sacrificed, no one would shed a tear for him. The friend who forwarded me the story said he would not try to change the course of the train because he believed that the kids playing on the operational track should have known very well that track was still in use, and that they should have run away if they heard the train's sirens. If the train was diverted, that lone child would definitely die because he never thought the train could come over to that track Moreover, that track was not in use probably because it was not safe. If the train was diverted to the track, we could put the lives of all passengers on board at stake! And in your attempt to save a few kids by sacrificing one child, you might end up sacrificing hundreds of people to save these few kids.
While we are all aware that life is full of tough decisions that need to be made, we may not realize that hasty decisions may not always be the right one.
Remember that what's right isn't always popular... and what's popular isn't always right.
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following...
"Emma come first."
"Den I come."
"Den two asses come together."
"I come once-a-more."
"Two asses, they come together again."
"I come again and pee twice."
"Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed, sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives."
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers.
Here are the Top Ten finalists:
No. 10
One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!"
- (Hallmark Cards executive)
No. 9
We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."
- (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
No. 8
My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
- (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
No. 7
Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
- (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
No 6
No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."
- (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
No. 5
"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
- (Plant manager, Delco Corporation)
No. 4
"This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."
- (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
No. 3
"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."
- (Accounting manager, Electric BoatCompany)
No. 2
"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter!!"
- (Lykes Lines Shipping)
No. 1
"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
- (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.)
(This was voted as the best e-mail joke in Australia in 2001)
After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip in Minneapolis. They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.
Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix-up at the boarding gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and it would do no good to complain. Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle's was cold.
The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned. He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an e-mail, but due to his haste, he made an error in the e-mail address. His message therefore arrived at the home of an elderly preacher's wife whose even older husband had died the day before!
When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead. Her family rushed to her room where they saw this message on the screen:
'Dearest wife, Departed yesterday as you know. Just now got checked in. Some confusion at the gate. Appeal was denied. Received confirmation of your arrival tomorrow. Your loving husband. PS Things are not as we thought. You're going to be surprised at how hot it is down here.'
mga bagay-bagay na kasalukuyang kinaiinisan...
george w bush's smirk, mga pangalan na nilalagyan ng "h" (katulad ng jhune, dhanny, jhoey, jhim, jhay, jhet, mayron pa nga akong kilalang piph), tunog ng baril ni agent X44 Tony Falcon, tunog ng suntok ng mga pelikulang pinoy, people who say "at the end of the day" all the time, allergic reactions to seafood, tunog ng stirofoam pag pinisil, tunog ng kinaskas na kuko sa blackboard, war, alikabok, the term "weapons of mass destruction", sales people who always say "absolutely", people who don't take a bath everyday, anghit, people who don't change their shirts everyday, tropical heat, people with anghit who don't take a bath and don't change their shirts everyday at kasabay mong maglakad in the tropical heat, cnn's jim clancey's reporting, monday afternoons, NAIA, the term "liberating the iraqi people", jeepney fumes, standing on a bus going home, cruise missles, pelikulang bumbay, stale coffee, tomahawk missles, january 2, ping lacson, tessie aquino ureta, pimples, powdered orange juice, elevator music, kenny-g's music, elevator playing kenny-g's music, donald rumsfeld's squint, funeral parlors, hospitals, hospital morgues, cold showers, nagtataeng ballpen, nagtataeng ballpen na nakalagay sa bulsa ng puting polo shirt, lapis na bale, disco music, rap music, loud bar music, loud rap music played in a bar, non-functioning remote control, scientific calculators that are not casio, automatic watches that stop in the middle of the night, smelly farts that are not mine, come to think of it - any kind of fart that did not come from my asshole, "bawal umihi dito" signs (ang mahole, bogbog), sunglasses na tabingi pag sinuot mo, yellow-orange shirts, pink pants for men, pantalon na bitin, lalaki na naka yellow-orange shirt na may ternong pink pants na bitin, lawlaw na shorts, tsinelas na luma, loud preachers inside a bus (PRAISE THE GOD!), el shaddai, amerikana ni brother mike, brother mike, good friday, american war propaganda, train stations in india, being thirsty, LBM, smelly hair, ugly american speeches, tinapay na may amag, mainit na coke, soft boiled egg na sobrang soft, CNN reporters na pumipikit-pikit pag nagrereport, sign pen na walang tinta, CD na tumatalon, abstract painting na binebenta sa bangketa sa quiapo, palenkeng maputik, cell phones ringing inside theatres, sappy love song ring tones, sappy love song ringtones ringing inside theatres, loud text message ringtones, mcdo hamburgers na may chii sauce, taxes, ringing phones at 2 o clock in the morning, traffic jams, fast changing traffic lights, war councils, tapilok, somebody wearing turtle neck sweaters in manila, somebody wearing leather jackets in manila, somebody wearing leather jackets over tutleneck sweaters in manila, the term "decisive force", censorship, self righteous people, self righteous censors, names i can't pronounce, people calling me "david", riding in a car that's been left baking in an open parking lot in manila at 12 o clock noon, pentel pen na malapit nang maubusan ng tinta, the disco song entitled "zodiac", low batt cellphone right when you need it, underpowered cars, stars on 45 music, stars on 45 music being played inside buses, stars on 45 being played inside a bus when a preacher suddenly shouts "PRAISE THE LORD" while you are a few seconds from finally taking a nap, funeral wreathes, lumang pera, kahit anong pelikula ni steven segal (except yung kasama niya si idol kong tommy lee jones), ang mukha ni prime minister john howard ng australia, "operation iraqi freedom"...
...AND, the most kinaiinisang bagay-bagay as of late: the term "shock and awe"
