Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?".

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, but cold and harsh while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and pleasant."

"I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands parched deserts. This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a group of islands and said, "What are those?"

"Ah," said God. "That's the Philippines, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful beaches, rivers, mountains and forests. The people from the Philippines are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as carriers of peace and love."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there would be balance."

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I put in the government."

Does your name begin with:

A

You are not particularly romantic, but you are interested in action. You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up-front person. You often don't get hints and you never pass any. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important for you. You tend to be very practical and not very emotional. Your choices are not very good and can only lead to trouble. You are very self satisfied and egoistic.

B

You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of your lover. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments, and particular when it comes to love. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and feelings. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.

C

You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good-looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You are very sensual, needing someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to hold out on affection until you receive this. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without.

D

Once you get it into your head that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in your suit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvements, sometimes possessive and jealous. You are very sharp and talented often with a sense of humour. When people bother to look deep inside they cannot resist what they see. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free and open attitude. You get jealous of other people and lose your temper.

E

Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while - it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important. But once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. You will fall asleep with a good book. Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book to a lover

F

You are idealistic and romantic, putting your lover on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are a born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are a favourite fantasy past time. You can be a very generous lover.

G

You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your lover. You respond to a lover who is your intellectual equal or superior, and one who can enhance your status. You are sensuous and know how to reach the peak of stimulation, because you work at it meticulously. You can be extremely active - never tiring out. Your duties and responsibilities take precedence over everything else. You may have difficulty getting emotionally close to people.

H

You seek a mate who can enhance your zest for life, fun and everything you seek for. You will be very generous to your lover once you have attained a commitment. You are very affectionate and very strong. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be very careful with your every move and equally cautious in your involvements, often, as you believe that you have to look out for yourself. You are a sensual and patient lover. You will hold off till everything meets your full approval. You are a perfectionist, hard to satisfy and strong in your beliefs. Not influential, you always stand your ground. People can always count on you to stand by them in a crisis. You are a dreamer with a passion for life.

I

You have a great need to be loved, appreciated... even worshiped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You like necking, spend hours just touching, feeling and exploring. You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of expression. You bore easily and thus require adventure and change. Your commitments don't last very long and you often tend to stray. Loyalty is not one of your strong points. You are more sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.

J

You are blessed with a great deal of physical energy. When used for a good cause there is nothing to stop you, except maybe that they aren't always used for the good. You could dance all night. You respond to the thrill of the chase and the challenge of the mating game. You can carry on great romances in your head. At heart you are a roamer and need to set out on your own every so often. You will carry on long-distance relationships with ease. You are idealistic and need to believe in love. You have a need to be nurtured deep within.

K

You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along. You are very generous and giving, often selfless. You are kind-natured and sweet, which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend.

L

You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Brains turn you on. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated.

M

You may appear innocent, unassuming and shy; but we know that appearances can lie. When it comes to sex, you are no novice but something of a skilled technician. You can easily go to extremes, though, running the gamut from insatiability to boredom with the whole idea of love. You can be highly critical of you mate, seeking perfection in both of you. It is not easy to find someone who can meet your standards. You have difficulty expressing emotions and drawing close to lovers. You are often selfish, thinking you are always right no matter what. You never give in. Winning is your prime desire - at any cost. You often forget friends and family and you live for the moment.

N

You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all-consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You believe in total freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of energy is inexhaustible. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You also enjoy mothering your mate. You often have the greatest love affairs all by yourself, in your head. You are very imaginative.

O

You are very interested in fun activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your energy into making money. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are a passionate, compassionate lover, requiring the same qualities from your mate. Love is serious business; thus you demand intensity, diversity and is willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.

P

You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of Doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count. Therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy... a good fight stimulates those vibes. You are relatively free of hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification.

Q

You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you. You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people because of their ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and conversation to turn you on and keep you going.

R

You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal - the smarter the better. You are turned on more quickly by a great mind than by a great body. However, physical attractiveness is not very important to you. You have to be proved to be worthy for a partner. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating and romantic.

S

For you, it is pleasure before business. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and is capable of much sensuality. But you never lose control of your emotions. Once you make the commitment you stick like glue. You could get jealous and possessive. You tend to be very selfish often regarding yourself as the only human being on the planet. You like being the centre of attention. You are very caring sensitive, private and sometimes very passive. Turned on by soft lights, romantic thoughts. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role, or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along. You are very generous and giving, often selfless. You are kind-natured and sweet which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend.

T

You are very sensitive, private and sometimes very passive. You like someone who takes the lead. You get turned on by music, soft lights and romantic thoughts. You fantasize and tend to fall in and out of love soon. When in love you are romantic, idealistic, and extremely mushy. You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated and teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, all in your own head. Once you put your mind to something, you manage to stand by it and see your dreams through. You aren't very good at expressing your feelings. You like things your own way. You do not like change, you like to hold on to things. This may not always be good because if given an opportunity things may develop into great things. You work your way to the top. Attention must be given to what others say because even though you don't want to hear it their advice may turn out to save your life.

U

You are enthusiastic and at your happiest when in love. When not in love, you're in love with love and always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as a challenge. You are a roamer and needs adventure, excitement freedom. You enjoy giving gifts and looking good. You are willing to put others feelings above yours.

V

You are individualistic and you need freedom, space and excitement. You wait till you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means psyching her/him out. You feel a need to get into his/her head to see what makes him/her tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. You believe that age is no barrier. You are good at responding to danger, fear and suspense.

W

You are very proud, determined and refuse to take no for an answer when it come to love. Your ego is at stake all the time. You are romantic, idealistic, often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner for who she or he really is. You feel deeply about love and tends to throw all of your self into a relationship. Nothing is too good for your lover. You like playing love games.

X

You need constant stimulation because you get bored quickly. You can handle more than 1 relationship at a time with ease. You can't shut off your mind. You can do 2 things at once. You are very talented.

Y

You are sensual and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forget the whole thing. You want to control your relationships which doesn't work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation. However if you can make money you will give up the pleasures of the flesh for the moment. You have a need to prove yourself the best. You want feedback on your performance. You are open, stimulating and romantic.

Z

You are very romantic but somehow feels that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate and attracting people who have unusual trouble. You see yourself as a lover's saviour.

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a small space in the cold basement.

As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it.

When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, "Things aren't always what they seem."

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife.

After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest.

When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears.

Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.

The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel, 'How could you have let this happen? The first man had everything, yet you helped him.' she accused. 'The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let the cow die.'

"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied. "When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it."

"Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave him the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."

Sometimes that is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You just might not know it until some time later...

Happened in Makati Med... (daw)

One night while she was on her way to the fifth floor to check on her patient (she was on the basement) sumakay sya sa elevator. May lady dun... silang dalawa lang. Then the door opened on the 3rd floor, they saw a young girl running towards the elevator as if sasakay sya. The doctor closed the door immediately.

Tinanong sya nung lady... "Doc, bakit nyo sinara? mukang sasakay yung babae?"

The doctor replied.."I know her, she was my patient and she died yesterday."

The lady asked, "Doc, pano mo naman nalaman na patay na eh tumatakbo pa nga?" The doctor answered: "Did u see the red tag on her wrist? Pag dead na ang patient, red tag na ang kinakabit sa wrist nila."

The girl replied while raising her wrist to the doctor, "Doc, parang ganito?"

TIPS ON HEALTHY LIVING

HEADACHE? EAT FISH!
Eat plenty of fish - fish oil helps prevent headaches. So does ginger, which reduces inflammation and pain.

INSOMNIA? HONEY!
Use honey as a tranquilizer and sedative.

ASTHMA? EAT ONIONS!
Eating onions helps ease constriction of bronchial tubes.

ARTHRITIS? EAT FISH, TOO!
Salmon, tuna, mackerel and sardines actually prevent arthritis.

UPSET STOMACH? BANANAS & GINGER!
Bananas will settle an upset stomach. Ginger will cure morning sickness and nausea.

BLADDER INFECTION? DRINK CRANBERRY JUICE!
High-acid cranberry juice controls harmful bacteria.

BONE PROBLEMS? EAT PINEAPPLE!
Bone fractures and osteoporosis can be prevented by the manganese in pineapple.

PRE-MENSTRUAL SYNDROME? EAT CORNFLAKES!
Women can ward off the effects of PMS with cornflakes, which help reduce depression, anxiety and fatigue.

MEMORY PROBLEMS? EAT OYSTERS!
Oysters help improve your mental functioning by supplying much-needed zinc.

COLDS? EAT GARLIC!
Clear up that stuffy head with garlic.

COUGHING? USE RED PEPPERS!
A substance similar to that found in the cough syrups is found in hot red pepper. Use red (cayenne) pepper with caution - it can irritate your tummy.

BREAST CANCER?
Wheat, bran and cabbage help maintain estrogen at healthy levels.

LUNG CANCER? EAT DARK AND ORANGE VEGGIES!
A good antidote is beta carotene, a form of Vitamin A found in dark green and orange vegetables.

ULCERS? EAT CABBAGE ALSO!
Cabbage contains chemicals that help heal both gastric and duodenal ulcers.

DIARRHEA? EAT APPLES!
Grate an apple with its skin, let it turn brown and eat it to cure this condition.

HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE? EAT CELERY AND OLIVE OIL!
Olive oil has been shown to lower blood pressure. Celery contains a chemical that lowers pressure too.

BLOOD SUGAR IMBALANCE? EAT BROCCOLI AND PEANUTS!!!
The chromium in broccoli and peanuts helps regulate insulin and blood sugar.

Kiwi: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, Vitamin E & fibre. It's Vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.

Apple: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low Vitamin C content, it has antioxidants and flavonoids which enhances the activity of Vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack and stroke.

Strawberry: Protective fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits and protects the body from cancer causing and blood vessel clogging free radicals.

Orange: Sweetest medicine. Taking 2 - 4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent and dissolve kidney stones as well as lessen the risk of colon cancer.

Watermelon: Coolest Thirst Quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene - the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are Vitamin C and Potassium.

Guava and Papaya: Top awards for Vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high Vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fibre which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene, this is good for your eyes.

Tips on how to stay young.......

Researches have found that people who generally live longer do so partly because of good habits. Here, Dr Vernon Coleman and others provide some of the following good habits for longevity.

1. Laugh and have fun, don't be gloomy.
2. Let bygones be bygones. Dwelling on the past inflicts unnecessary stress.
3. Early to bed, early to rise, is healthy and wise.
4. Stay lean, being just 30% overweight is bad.
5. Keep learning, reading and socializing - an alert and active mind keeps brain cells healthy.
6. Keep working, doing something you like. Don't retire. It slows down your body.
7. Be the boss of your own life. Letting others push you around produces stress.
8. Too many pills ruin your body. Take just what you need.
9. Constantly alternating between weight gain and loss is bad.
10. Exercise, quit smoking and eat less fatty foods.
11. Do not worry about health or death, just get on with your life and enjoy it!

Well, read on and expand on your general knowledge.


Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

Pearls melt in vinegar.

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but not downstairs.

A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.

Turtles can breathe through their butts.

On the average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, the engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

A snail can sleep for three years.

No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing! SCARY!!!

All polar bears are left handed.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow.


So, did you try to lick your elbow???? or fold a paper in seven alves?

The Frog and the Penis


A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more than one complaint.

"Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there anything you can do for me?"

The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.

The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Honorable Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are my only hope."

The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I may be able to help you with your problem. Do this. Go deep into the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog sitting on a log. This frog has magic powers. You say to frog, "Will you marry me?" When the frog says no, you will
find five inches less to your problem."

The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He called out to the frog, "Will you marry me?" The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied, "NO."

The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 5 inches shorter.

"WOW," he screamed out loud, "this is great! But it's still too long at 20 inches, so I'll ask the frog to marry me again."

"Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouted.

The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, "NO!"

The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 5 inches shorter.

The man laughed, "This is fantastic." He looked down at his penis again, 15 inches long, and reflected for a moment. Fifteen inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal.

Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, "Frog will you marry me?"

The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head, "How many times do I have to tell you? NO, NO,NO!!!"