the junkyard it's rubbish, it's clutter... but i just can't throw them to oblivion
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
A mother and a baby camel were walking around, and suddenly the baby camel asked ....
Baby: Mother, mother, may I ask you some questions?
Mother: Sure! Why son, is there something bothering you?
Baby: Why do camels have humps?
Mother: Well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water and we are known to survive without water.
Baby: Okay, then why are our legs long and our feet rounded?
Mother: Son, obviously they are meant for walking in the desert,You know with these legs I can move around the desert better than anyone does! Said the mother proudly.
Baby: Okay, then why are our eyelashes long? Sometimes it bothers my sight.
Mother: My son, those long thick eyelashes are your protective cover. They help to protect your eyes from the desert sand and wind. Said mother camel with eyes rimming with pride....
Baby: I see. So the hump is to store water when we are in the desert, the legs are for walking through the desert and these eye lashes protect my eyes from the desert......
Then what are we doing here in the Zzzoooooo !!!!!!???
MORAL OF THE STORY IS:
Skills, knowledge, abilities and experiences are only useful if you are at the right place. (where are you right now???????? )
Quote of the day:
Love your job but never fall in love with your company, because you'll never know just when the company stops loving you……….
One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the countryside with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people can be. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.
On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"
"It was great, Dad."
"Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked.
"Oh Yeah" said the son.
"So what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.
The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool in our backyard, they have a river in theirs that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and
they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."
With this, the boy's father was speechless.
Then his son added, "Thanks dad for showing me how poor we are."
Too many times we forget what we have and concentrate on what we don't have. What is one person's worthless object is another's prized possession. It is all based on one's perspective.
Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for all the bounty we have, instead of worrying about wanting more...
Ano rin daw ang difference ni Prince Charles At Kulangot! - Si Prince Charles ay "heir to the throne" while ang Kulangot ay "Thrown to the Air".
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Bakit malungkot ang kalendaryo? - Kasi bilang na ang araw niya.
Eh bakit masuwerte naman ang kalendaryo? - Dahil marami siyang date.
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Grabe talaga ang mga iba diyan. Mahirap intindihin... sa kanila ang malambot "SUP", ang sabaw "SUP", ang sabon "SUP" pa rin.
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ANAK: 'Tay, anong pagkakaiba ng Supper at Dinner?
ITAY: Anak, pagkumain tayo sa labas, Dinner 'yun. Pag dito tayo kakain ng luto ng Mommy mo, Suffer yon!!
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Mr. 1: Wow, first year wedding anniversary niyo na, anong gift mo sa Misis mo?
Mr. 2: Dadalhin ko siya sa Africa!
Mr. 1: Sarap naman, eh next year ano naman ang gift mo?
Mr. 2: Kukunin ko siya pabalik!!!
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What would happen if you have a wooden car with wooden wheels, a wooden chair and a wooden engine?
Ans: It wooden start!!!
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This is a Filipino making a long distance phone call....
Operator: AT&T, How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you're calling?
Pinoy: Aybegurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali, Elpidio: E as in Elpidio, L as in lpidio, p as in pidio, i as in idio, d as in dio, i as in io, and o as in o.
Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport agen, B as in Because, A as in airport agen, N as in enemy, Q as in Cuba, U as in Europe, E as in important, and L as in elephant.
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This is a Filipino in an American coffee shop:
Waiter: What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?
Pinoy: No. Big cup!! Big cup!
Waiter: What would you like for your breakfast?
Pinoy: Hameneggs.
Waiter: And how do you like your eggs, sir?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I like dem beri much.
Waiter: No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I wud like dem cooked.
Waiter: (with increasing impatience) Would you like your eggs...fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?
Pinoy: (with increasing uneasiness) Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled.
Waiter: And what bread would you like?
Pinoy: Begyurpardon?
Waiter: What kind of bread would you like? white? rye? whole weat? toast?
Pinoy: Pan Americano
Waiter: We don't have that.
Pinoy: Okey, gib me taystee.
Waiter: We don't have that either, sir.
Pinoy: Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete?
Waiter: Sir, you are wasting my time. I shall ask for the last time, what would you like for breakfast?
Pinoy: Donut plis....
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Two married men talking...
1st man: Swerte ko, my wife is an angel.
2nd man: Buti ka pa, ako ang asawa ko buhay pa.
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Wife: Love, mahal mo ba ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife: Enjoy ka ba sa akin?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kitae h.
Wife: Baka naman niloloko mo lang ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
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Anak: Tays! Kakains nas tayos!
Tatay: Hoy! Tigilan mo yang kalalagay mo ng 'S' sa mga sinasabi mo ha! Ano ba ang ulam ?
Anak: BANGU na may KAMATI, ARDINA na may IBUYA
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BISAYA 1: Unsay ibig sabihon ng "cooling place"?
BISAYA 2: Pag-naga ring ang fon, sabihin mo, "Hilow, hus cooling place?"
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A man wanted to buy bra for his wife but doesn't know the size.
Salesgirl asked: "Is it as big as papaya?"
Man replied: "No."
Salesgirl: "An apple?"
Man: "No."
Salesgirl: "Ahh..an egg?"
Man: "YES, but fried!"
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Girl 1: Halata na tiyan mo, bakit di pa kayo magpakasal ng BF mo?
Girl 2: Ayaw ng pamilya niya eh!
Girl 1: Sino may ayaw, tatay o nanay niya?
Girl 2: Yung misis niya!
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Q: What does an American say when he farts?
A: Excuse me
Q: British?
A: Pardon me
Q: Pinoy?
A: Not me!
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A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having a drink.
When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, "Whoever can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in a creative sentence can date me for tonight."
So the White guy says "I love liver and cheese." She says "That's not good enough"
The Black man says "I hate liver and cheese" She says "That's not creative"
Finally, the Filipino says "Liver alone, cheese mine!"
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How do you know if siopao meat is made of cat, rat or dog?
Ans: Pinch a piece of siopao and let the cat smell it. If the cat likes
it...rat! If it doesn't...cat! If it runs...dog!
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What's the difference between corruption in the USA and corruption in the Philippines?
Ans: In the US, they go to jail. In the Philippines, they go to US!
TEACHER: What is the formula for water?
ERAP: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
TEACHER: That's not what I taught you.
ERAP: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.
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Lulubog na ang barko...
PARI: San Pedro, San Jose...
MADRE: Sta. Fe, Sta. Lucia, Sta. Clara...
INTSIK: Lubok na balko tawak pa kayo pasahelo!
A gentleman had a serious problem. He had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but found it to be occupied. A lady noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and with a look of pain and anxiety on his face. "Sir," she said, "the ladies restroom is unoccupied. You may use it if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall." He was about to pop, and would have promised anything, so he agreed to her terms.
The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there, savoring the feeling, he noticed buttons he had promised not to touch. Three white buttons were identified by the letters: "WW", "WA", and "PP", and there was one red button labeled "ATR." Who would really know if he touched them?
He couldn't just sit there and resist a challenge like this, so he pushed the "WW" button. Warm Water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. Such a nice feeling came over him. The men's restroom didn't have nice things like this.
Anticipating even greater pleasure. He pressed the "WA" button. Warm Air replaced the warm water, wafted and swirled about, gently drying his underside.
He knew what he was going to do when the warm air stopped, and without hesitation, he pressed the "PP" button. A large Powder Puff caressed his bottom, adding a fragrant scent of spring flowers to his unbelievable pleasure.
The ladies room was far more than a restroom; it was a place of tender loving pleasure! He could hardly wait for the powder puff to quit. When it did, he pushed what he knew was going to be the ultimate joy!
He knew he was in the hospital as soon as he opened his eyes... A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face. "What happened? How did I get here? The last thing I remember, I was in the ladies restroom!"
"You pushed one too many buttons," replied the nurse, as her smirk expanded to a grin. "That last button marked "ATR" is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is in a jar over there."
1. "Burn the bridge when you get there."
2. "Anulled and void."
3. "Mute and academic."
4. "C'mon let's join us!"
5. "If worse comes to shove."
6 "Are you joking my leg?"
7. "It's not my problem anymore, it's your problem anymore."
8. "What are friends are for?"
9. "You can never can tell."
10. "Well well well. Look do we have here!"
11. "Let's give them a big hand of applause."
12. "Been there, been that."
13. "Forget it about it."
14. "Give him the benefit of the daw."
15. "It's a blessing in the sky."
16. "Right there and right then."
17. "Where'd you came from?"
18. "Take things first at a time."
19. "You're barking at the wrong dog."
20. "You want to have your cake and bake it too."
21. "First and for all."
22. "Now and there."
23. "I'm only human nature."
24. "The sky's the langit."
25. "That's what I'm talking about it."
26. "One of these days is not like the other."
27. "So far, so good, so far."
28. "Time is of the elements."
29. "In the wink of an eye."
30. "The feeling is actual."
31. "For all intense and purposes."
32. "I ran into some errands."
33. "Hi. I'm , what's yours?"
34. "What is the world is coming to?"
35. "What is the next that is?"
36 "Get the most of both worlds."
37. "Bahala na sila sa mga batman nila."
38. "Whatever you say so."
39. "Base-to-base casis."
40. "My answers have been prayered."
41. "Please me alone!"
42. "It's as brand as new."
43. "So... what's a beautiful girl like you?...."
44. "I can't take it anymore of this!"
45. "Are you sure ka na ba?"
and my personal favourite:
46. "She's not my friend of mine."
A man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breat. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me,"
She replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."
A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous woman. He notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.
He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It says that American Indians have the longest penises and Greek men are the best in bed. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home.
His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times."
Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."
One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. "Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!"
"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked.
Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna have fun!"
"And what will you do when you get done with them?" Jesus asked.
"Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly.
"How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked.
"Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you!! You don't want those people!!"
"How much?" He asked again.
Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your tears, and all your blood."
Jesus said, "DONE!" Then He paid the price.
Isn't it funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell?
Isn't it funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says?
Isn't it funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says? Or is it scary?
Isn't it funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes" in God)?
Isn't it funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week?
mga bagay-bagay na kasalukuyang kinaiinisan...
george w bush's smirk, mga pangalan na nilalagyan ng "h" (katulad ng jhune, dhanny, jhoey, jhim, jhay, jhet, mayron pa nga akong kilalang piph), tunog ng baril ni agent X44 Tony Falcon, tunog ng suntok ng mga pelikulang pinoy, people who say "at the end of the day" all the time, allergic reactions to seafood, tunog ng stirofoam pag pinisil, tunog ng kinaskas na kuko sa blackboard, war, alikabok, the term "weapons of mass destruction", sales people who always say "absolutely", people who don't take a bath everyday, anghit, people who don't change their shirts everyday, tropical heat, people with anghit who don't take a bath and don't change their shirts everyday at kasabay mong maglakad in the tropical heat, cnn's jim clancey's reporting, monday afternoons, NAIA, the term "liberating the iraqi people", jeepney fumes, standing on a bus going home, cruise missles, pelikulang bumbay, stale coffee, tomahawk missles, january 2, ping lacson, tessie aquino ureta, pimples, powdered orange juice, elevator music, kenny-g's music, elevator playing kenny-g's music, donald rumsfeld's squint, funeral parlors, hospitals, hospital morgues, cold showers, nagtataeng ballpen, nagtataeng ballpen na nakalagay sa bulsa ng puting polo shirt, lapis na bale, disco music, rap music, loud bar music, loud rap music played in a bar, non-functioning remote control, scientific calculators that are not casio, automatic watches that stop in the middle of the night, smelly farts that are not mine, come to think of it - any kind of fart that did not come from my asshole, "bawal umihi dito" signs (ang mahole, bogbog), sunglasses na tabingi pag sinuot mo, yellow-orange shirts, pink pants for men, pantalon na bitin, lalaki na naka yellow-orange shirt na may ternong pink pants na bitin, lawlaw na shorts, tsinelas na luma, loud preachers inside a bus (PRAISE THE GOD!), el shaddai, amerikana ni brother mike, brother mike, good friday, american war propaganda, train stations in india, being thirsty, LBM, smelly hair, ugly american speeches, tinapay na may amag, mainit na coke, soft boiled egg na sobrang soft, CNN reporters na pumipikit-pikit pag nagrereport, sign pen na walang tinta, CD na tumatalon, abstract painting na binebenta sa bangketa sa quiapo, palenkeng maputik, cell phones ringing inside theatres, sappy love song ring tones, sappy love song ringtones ringing inside theatres, loud text message ringtones, mcdo hamburgers na may chii sauce, taxes, ringing phones at 2 o clock in the morning, traffic jams, fast changing traffic lights, war councils, tapilok, somebody wearing turtle neck sweaters in manila, somebody wearing leather jackets in manila, somebody wearing leather jackets over tutleneck sweaters in manila, the term "decisive force", censorship, self righteous people, self righteous censors, names i can't pronounce, people calling me "david", riding in a car that's been left baking in an open parking lot in manila at 12 o clock noon, pentel pen na malapit nang maubusan ng tinta, the disco song entitled "zodiac", low batt cellphone right when you need it, underpowered cars, stars on 45 music, stars on 45 music being played inside buses, stars on 45 being played inside a bus when a preacher suddenly shouts "PRAISE THE LORD" while you are a few seconds from finally taking a nap, funeral wreathes, lumang pera, kahit anong pelikula ni steven segal (except yung kasama niya si idol kong tommy lee jones), ang mukha ni prime minister john howard ng australia, "operation iraqi freedom"...
...AND, the most kinaiinisang bagay-bagay as of late: the term "shock and awe"
