Ang galing ng Pinoy:

1) A couple placed an ad,"Have 4 sons, need advice on how to get a daughter."

Responses...

Yank: Keep trying!
Briton: Change doctor!
Aussie: Follow a special diet.
Indian: Practice Yoga!
Pinoy: LET ME TRY!

2) Population policies of countries:

China: Stop at 1 child.
Singapore: Stop at 2 children
Phil: STOP AT 4 A.M.!

3) Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot?

American: Excuse me.
British: Pardon me.
Pinoy: NOT ME!

Married Life

1) May isang intsik na sa sobrang hilig sa karaoke ay inabot ng 5 am. Dahil sa takot mabugbog ni misis, nag-text ng: "HUWAG KA BAYAD RANSOM. NAKATAKAS AKO. UWI NA KO!"

2) Husband: "Parati na lang tayo away ng away! Maghiwalay na lang tayo!"
Wife: "Sige, maghati tayo ng mga anak!"
Husband: "Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!"
Wife: "Sus! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!"

3) Sa harap ng nursery window;

Friend: Pare, pag laki ng anak mo, am sure magaling mag-drive.
Dad: Bakit, pare, malaki ba ang kamay?
Friend: Hindi. Kasi kamukha siya ng driver ninyo!

4) Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife and carried her.
Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!

5) Friend: "Wow, pare, ganda ng shoes mo, ah!"
Husband: "Oo. Surprise gift ng kumare mo!"
Friend: "Surprise? Anong occassion?"
Husband: "Wala. Nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama namin kagabi!"

Other Jokes

1) Health Advisory: "Beer contains female hormones, and can turn men into women. After 5 pints.... men become talkative,
unreasonable, irritable, cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting !"

2) Question: Who designed the female human body?
Answer: A Civil Engineer. who else would run a toxic waste pipeline thru a recreational area?!

3) Our brain is made up of 2 parts, the left and the right part. With our politicians, the problem is that: The LEFT has nothing RIGHT in it,and The RIGHT has nothing LEFT in it!

4) Sa hardin ng Paraiso ...

Adam: Lord, di ko na kaya ang tukso ng ahas sa akin!
Lord: Maging matatag ka, anak. Ano ba ang tukso sa iyo?
Adam: SUPOT! SUPOT!

"Years ago, I asked God to give me a spouse. "You don't own because you didn't ask" God said.

Not only did I ask for a spouse but also I explained what kind of spouse I wanted. I want a nice, tender, forgiving, passionate, honest, peaceful, generous, understanding, pleasant, warm, intelligent, humorous, attentive, compassionate and truthful spouse. I even mentioned the physical characteristics I dreamt about. As time went by I added the required list of my wanted spouse.

One night, in my prayer, God talked to my heart: "My servant, I cannot give you what you want."

I asked, "Why God?"

God said "Because I am God and I am fair. God is the truth and all I do are true and right."

I asked, "God, I don't understand why I cannot have what I ask from you."

God answered, " I will explain. It is not fair and right for Me to fulfill your demand because I cannot give something that
is not your ownself. It is not fair to give someone who is full of love to you if sometimes you are still hostile; or to give you someone generous but sometimes you can be cruel; or someone forgiving, however, you still hide revenge; someone understanding, however, you are very insensitive...."

He then said to me, "It is better for Me to give you someone who I know could grow to have all the qualities you are searching for rather than to make you waste your time to find someone who already have the qualities you want."

"Your spouse would be bone from your bone and flesh from your flesh and you will see yourself in her and both of you will be one. Marriage is like a school. It is a life-long education. It is where you and your partner make adjustments and aim not merely to please each other, but to be better human beings and to make a solid teamwork. I do not give you a
perfect partner, because you are not perfect either. I give you a partner with whom you would grow together"

After a While
By Veronica A. Shoffsal


After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul…


And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security…


And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises…


And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child…


And you learn to build all your roots on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.


After a while, you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much…


So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers…


And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong and you really do have worth.


And you learn, and you learn…
With every goodbye, you learn.

Jose Javier (Joey, the film director) Reyes wrote this to some of his friends regarding that infamous incident concerning a wayward elephant roaming Quezon City, and it's been forwarded to their friends. Hilarious! Just thought you guys would enjoy it more than the sedate accounts in the papers. This really happened a couple of weeks ago(?)



The latest sensation yesterday afternoon, aside from the nagkabuhol-buhol na traffic sa Quezon City (na hindi na sensational), was a Thai Elephant that ESCAPED ( I repeat, girls --- ESCAPED) from the Elephant World Show at Araneta Coliseum and walked ( I repeat one more time, girls---WALKED) all the way to the corner of Kamuning and Tomas Morato. Totooka.

Tumakas ang putang elepante na nagngangalang Dumbo (how original... hindi Don-Bo, ha?) dahil masyadong nainitan sa nagbabagang heat of the noonday sun (shades of Marilou Abaya) sa Araneta Center. Kaya say ng elefante, "Ay,
leche ...I want a stroll and a bath, OK?" In the process, TINAFAKAN niya ang trainer at may I walk out of the Araneta Center down Aurora Boulevard, cross ng EDSA at the height of the noonday traffic (I repeat one more time...TUMAWID NG EDSA..so imagine the commuters and drivers screaming, "Ay, puta ... ME ELEFANTE!!!!") pero balita naman ay habang palakad ang pachyderm ay may I mutter siya ng, "Excuse me...Makikiraan lang pooooo"...then proceeded to Ramon Magsaysay High School ("Titser! Titser! May elepante sa canteeeen!) and then sashay down Kamuning where he eventually found rest EATING FOUR INDIAN TREES that lines the island right outside PCI BANK. Sensational, de vah? NATARANTA ANG PEOPLE.

Ay, ano ang gagawin natin sa elepanteng yan? So, true to the tradition of the Pinoys, nagkagulo at nagka-fiesta. Appear ang lahat ng government officials including members of the Concerned Artists of the Philippines (I guess they were comparing the plight of Dumbo, the Thai Escapee Elephant with the pagdurusa of the masa) and six government officials. Nagpadala ng crane, nagpadala ng tatlong trak ng bumbero (Bahhhh-keeeeeeetttt?) at pinasugod ang Thai trainer para pakiusapin si Dumbo na umuwi na sa Araneta Coliseum. Pero say ng baklang elepante, "Leche, wa ko feel. Gusto ko munang dumaan sa Talent Center ng ABS and audition with Johnny Manahan!"

So, instead, they called for a vet. Ano ang ginawa ng vet habang ang lahat sa palengke ng Kamuning ay:

a) pinapakain ng pechay at saging ang elepante para tantanan na ang Indian trees since this was a direct violation of Senator Loren Legarda's Luntiang Pilipinas campaign;

b) pinaligiran si Dumbo at...NAGKODAKAN!

c) nakipose sa news coverage ng ABS, GMA7, ABC5 at pati na rin IBC13 ("Isang elepante ang ngayon ay naghihimasik ng lagim sa kanto ng Tomas Morato at Kamuning na kung saan nagkakagulo ang mga mamamayan upang makodakan sa tabi ng nasabing hayop!")

Well, the vet finally made turok-turok FOUR DOSAGES OF TRANQUILIZERS kay DUMBO. Kasi the first wa epek. Eat pa rin ng tree ang bading na elepante. But after four dosages...DAY, NANGARAG NA ANG ELEPANTE. Naka-smile na ito at nagyayayang makipagtomaan, makipag-jamming at makipagkantahan ng mga songs popularized by Cristy Mayuga in the 70s. So habang sumusuray-suray si Dumbo...ano ang nangyari? ASK NYO. Tinali siya sa crane...at unti-unting
inakyat habang naghihilik na ang pachyderm.

Pero heto ang maganda.

Na-miscalculate ang baba ni Dumbo sa nag-aabang na trak. DALAWANG PAA LANG NI DUMBO ANG NAISAKAY KAYA NANG IBABA SIYA SA TRAK AY.... KERPLAAAAAAAAAAAK! Tilian ang mga people, "Ay, leche! NAHULOG ANG ELEPANTE SA NAKA-PARK NA TAXI!!!!" Bagok que te cocote ni Dumbo. Yupi ang likuran ng taxi.

Tili ang Concerned Artists and the Humane Society for the Better Treatment of Animals Aside from Filipinos at nagsigawan, "IBAGSAK ANG ELEPHANT WORLD!!!!" Galit na galit ang mga tao habang Knocked-Out este elefante at
naghihilik with its testicles in full view of the live coverage sa tv. A government official screamed, "PAPAANO NGAYON ISASAKAY YAN SA TRAK?!!!! AT TINGNAN NYO ANG TRAPIK!!!"

MY FRIENDS... only in the Pilipins, I tell you!!!

JJR

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions." How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life . . you become 21.

Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21| YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 . . . and your dreams are gone. But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would! So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

This story is of something that was alleged to have happened just few years ago at the University of San Carlos, Cebu City Philippines

There was a professor of philosophy who was deeply committed atheist. His primary goal for one required class was to spend the entire semester attempting to prove that God couldn't exist. His students were always afraid to argue with him because of his impeccable logic. For 20 years, he had taught this class and no one ever had the courage to go against him. Sure, some had argued in class at times, but no one had ever really gone against him because of his reputation.

At the end of every semester on the last day, he would say to his class of 300 students, "If there is anyone here who still believes in Jesus, stand up!" In 20 years, no one had ever stood up. They knew what he was going to do next. He would say, "Because anyone who believes in God is a fool. If God existed, he could stop this piece of chalk from hitting the ground and breaking. Such a simple task to prove that He is God, and yet He can't do it. "

And every year, he would drop the chalk onto the tile floor of the classroom and it would shatter into a hundred pieces. All of the students would do nothing but stop & stare. Most of the students thought that God couldn't exist. Certainly, a number of Christians had slipped through, but for 20 years, they had been too afraid to stand up.

Well, a few years ago there was a freshman who happened to enroll. He was a Christian, had heard the stories about his professor. He was required to take the class for his major, and he was afraid. But for 3 months that semester, he prayed every morning that he would have the courage to stand up no matter what the professor said, or what the class thought. Nothing they said could ever shatter his faith.... he hoped.

Finally, the day came. The professor said, "If there is anyone here who still believes in God, stand up! "The professor and the class of 300 people looked at him, shocked, as he stood up at the back of the classroom. The professor shouted, "You FOOL! If God existed, He would keep this piece of chalk from breaking when it hit the ground!"

He proceeded to drop the chalk, but as he did, it slipped out of his finger, off his shirt cuff, onto the pleat of his pants, down his leg, and off his shoe. As it hit the ground, it simply rolled away..... unbroken. The professor's jaw dropped as he stared at the chalk.

He looked up at the young man, and then ran out of the lecture hall. The young man who had stood, proceeded to walk to the front of the room and shared his faith in Jesus for the next half hour.

300 students stayed and listened as he told of God's love for them and of His power through Jesus.

Joke 1

Boy goes 4 blood test. Nurse takes the sample but can't find cotton so she sucks his finger. Boy is so happy he asks, 'Can I gat a urine test also?'


Joke 2

Do you know why guys fart louder? Because in between their legs, there is 1 microphone & 2 speakers.

Joke 3

A wife asks hubby how many women he had slept with. Husband proudly replies only you darling. With the others I was awake!

Joke 4

A man asks the doctor how to live longer.

Doc asks him: You smoke?

Ans: No

You drink?

Ans: No.

You play mahjong?

Ans: No

You like sex?

Ans: No.

Then you want to live so long 4 what?

Joke 5

A group of Ah-beng want to go disco. Outside the disco there is a notice, only 18 and above is allowed.

Ah-beng: Walau wey, there only 17 of us.

Joke 6

Phone rings amd maid picks up phone as her master is bathing....

When the caller asked what she is doing, the maid replied, "master bathing"

SEX


A guy is nearing the end of his senior year in high school. Unfortunately, he still has to share a room with his younger brother who is only 9 years old.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun. They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is already asleep on the lower bunk, so he and his girlfriend climb up to the top bunk.

As you might expect things start to heat up.

The guy remembers that his little brother is sleeping below so he tells his girlfriend to whisper "lettuce" if she wants it harder and "tomato" if she wants a new position.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

She screams.

Lettuce!!!

Tomato!!!

Whoa!!!

PULL IT OUT!!!

PULL IT OUT NOW!!!

I can't get pregnant!

Then the little brother shouts up, "Hey, would you guys stop making sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over my face!

THE WONDER OF FORGIVING


I found a new book and I'm excited to share it with you. It's Forgiveness Therapy by David Schell.

Here are some of my favorites:

* Forgiveness means bending without breaking, being strong enough to withstand the heavy weight of injury but resilient enough to recover. Be forgiving.

* Forgive yourself; for what you regret doing and for what you wish you had done, for not being fully yourself and for being only yourself.

* Self-forgiveness cleanses the soul, washing away shame and guilt. Out of self-forgiveness comes the power to extend forgiveness to others.

* You have the right to feel sad, betrayed, angry, resentful when you've been injured. Understand, accept and express your feelings. Pushing them below the surface only means they will erupt in another place, at another time.

* Justice may right the wrongs, but forgiveness heals the hurt. Seek forgiveness beyond justice.

* Sometimes people hurt you because, like you, they are learning and growing. Forgive their incompleteness, their humanness.

* To refuse to forgive is to continue to hurt yourself. Victimized once, your lack of forgiveness keeps you stuck as a victim, holding on to a victim's identity. Instead, claim the identity of one who forgives.

* No loving relationship is free of hurts. Bind up the wounds of love with forgiveness.

* When you are having a difficult time forgiving, recall a moment when you wanted to be forgiven. Offer the other person what you wanted to receive.

* Forgiveness takes practice. Start with small hurts and work your way up to the big ones.

* Forgiveness may seem futile when you see no immediate results. But healing and growth are like fine aged cheese-not instant mashed potatoes. Give forgiveness time.

* You cannot change someone for the better by holding a grudge. Grudges only change you-for the worse.

* When someone won't forgive you, refusing to forgive in return is no answer. That's like wrapping yourself in the other's chains. Keep yourself free; forgive.

* To help you forgive, picture the other person surrounded by the light of God. See yourself stepping into that same light, and feel God's presence with you both.

* Forgiveness is not something you do for someone else; it is something you do for yourself. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness.

Sometimes, when we have been wronged, bruised, angered or betrayed, it is difficult to forgive. It is easier said than done. But too much anger and resentment makes it hard for us to move on. All that pain we refuse to let go will bury us in a place we shouldn't get stuck in. After the hurt and anger should come healing, and healing can only take place if we allow ourselves to forgive.

We should pray that God gives us the grace to forgive. Ask HIM to give us a heart big enough to be humble.

Once we choose to forgive, then and only then can we heal, then and only then can we free ourselves of the burden of our wounds.

Free yourself! Forgive. Allow God's love to thaw your heart!

PRAYER FOR THE GRACE TO BE MERCIFUL TOWARDS OTHERS


O Most Holy Trinity! as many times as I breathe, as many times as my heart beats, as many times as my blood throbs through my body, so many thousand times do I want to glorify your mercy.

I want to be completely transformed into Your mercy and to be Your living reflection, O Lord. May the greatest of all divine attributes, that of Your unfathomable mercy, pass through my heart and soul to my neighbor.

Help me, O Lord, that my eyes may be merciful, so that I may never suspect or judge from appearances, but look for what is beautiful in my neighbor's souls and come to their rescue.

Help me, that my ears may be merciful, so that I may heed to my neighbors' needs and not be indifferent to their pains and moanings.

Help me, O Lord, that my tongue may be merciful, so that I should never speak negatively of my neighbor, but have a word of comfort and forgiveness for all.

Help me, O Lord, that my hands may be merciful and filled with good deeds, so that I may do only good to my neighbors and take upon myself the more difficult and toilsome tasks.

Help me, that my feet may be merciful, so that I may hurry to assist my neighbor, overcoming my own fatigue and weariness. My true rest is in the serviced of my neighbor.

Help me, O Lord, that my heart may be merciful so that I myself may feel all the suffering of my neighbor. I will refuse my heart to no one. I will be sincere even with those who, I know, will abuse my kindness. And I will lock myself up in the most merciful Heart of Jesus. I will bear my own suffering in silence. May Your mercy, O Lord, rest upon me.

You Yourself command me to exercise the three degrees of mercy. The first: the act of mercy, of what ever kind. The second: the word of mercy - if I cannot carry out a work of mercy, I will assist by my words. The third: prayer - if I cannot show mercy by deeds or words, I can always do so by prayer. My prayer reaches out even there where I cannot reach out physically.

O my Jesus, transform me into Yourself, for You can do all things.

(This prayer was taken from the diary of St Faustina Kowalska, book 1 page 78. "This prayer gives us a true measure of our mercy, a mirror in which we can observe ourselves as other merciful Christs. We can well make it our morning invocation as well as our evening examination of conscience.")



THE LITANY OF HUMILITY


All: O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, hear me.

Resp: Please, deliver me Jesus.
Lead.: From the desire of being esteemed,
From the desire of being loved,
From the desire of being extolled,
From the desire of being praised,
From the desire of being preferred,
From the desire of being consulted,
From the desire of being approved,

From the fear of being humiliated,
From the fear of being despised,
From the fear of being rebuked,
From the fear of being calumniated,
From the fear of being forgotten,
From the fear of being ridiculed,
From the fear of being wronged,
From the fear of being suspected,

Resp: Jesus, please grant me the grace to desire it.
Lead.: That others may be loved more than I,
That others may be esteemed more than I,
That in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease,
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
That others may be praised and I unnoticed,
That others may be preferred to me in everything,
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should,

WHEN YOU READ THIS - LET IT REALLY SINK IN.

THEN CHOOSE HOW YOU START YOUR DAY TOMORROW.


Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say.

When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a natural motivator.

If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't
be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life."

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life."

I reflected on what Michael said.

Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I
made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.

After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd
be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be-born daughter," Michael replied. "Then,
as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or ...I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read - he's a dead man. I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to anything."

"Yes," I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply.

I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity."

Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own."

After all, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Author Unknown

Please take a moment to relax your mind and humble your heart to focus on Christ. Allow God, to be the only person on your mind while you read this prayer. If we can take the time to read long jokes, stories, etc., we should give the same respect to this prayer. Friends that pray together, stay together.

Dear Lord, I thank You for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness.

Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.

Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things.

Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. Let me continue to see sin through God's eyes and acknowledge it as evil. And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of God.

And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example -to slip away and find a quiet place to pray. It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will.

Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those that don't believe. But I thank you that I believe.

I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.

I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly.

This is my prayer.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the Harvard University President's outer
office.

The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn't even deserve to be in Cambridge.

"We want to see the president," the man said softly.

"He'll be busy all day," the secretary snapped.

"We'll wait," the lady replied.

For hours the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away.

They didn't and the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted.

"Maybe if you see them for a few minutes, they'll leave," she said to him.

He sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn't have the time to spend with them, but he detested gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer office. The president, stern faced and with dignity, strutted toward the couple.

The lady told him, "We had a son who attended Harvard for one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed. My husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him, somewhere on campus."

The president wasn't touched.... he was shocked.

"Madam," he said, gruffly, "we can't put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery."

"Oh, no," the lady explained quickly. "We don't want to erect a statue. We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard."

The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and homespun suit, then exclaimed, "A building! Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical buildings here at Harvard."

For a moment the lady was silent. The president was pleased. Maybe he could get rid of them now.

The lady turned to her husband and said quietly, "Is that all it costs to start a university? Why don't we just start our
own?"

Her husband nodded.

The president's face wilted in confusion and bewilderment.

Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford got up and walked away, traveling to Palo Alto, California where they established the university that bears their name, Stanford University, a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about.

You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who they think can do nothing.

A TRUE STORY
by Malcolm Forbes

A girl is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing math, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.

Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."

"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers.

"Yuck" says her daughter.

"How about a couple raw eggs?"

"Gross, Mom!"

"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"

"Mom, those are all yucky!"

To which the mother replies, "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart.

I hope your day is a "piece of cake!"

Funny how we set our clocks to arise at 4:00am or 5:00am to be at the job by 7:30, yet when Sunday comes we can't get to church for the 11:00 a.m. service to praise the one who gave us the jobs!

Funny how we call God our Father and Jesus our brother, but find it hard to introduce them to our family.

Funny how small our sins seem, but how big "their" sins are.

Funny how we demand justice for others, but expect mercy from God.

Funny how much difficulty some have learning the gospel well enough to tell others, but how simple it is to understand and explain the latest gossip about someone else.

Funny how we can't think of anything to say when we pray, but don't have any difficulty thinking of things to talk about to a friend.

Funny how we are so quick to take directions from a total stranger when we are lost, but are hesitant to take God's direction for our lives.

Funny how so many church goers sing "Standing on the Promises", but all they do is sit on the premises.

Funny how people want God to answer their prayers but refuse to listen to His counsel.

Funny how we sing about heaven, but live only for today.

Funny how people think they are going to Heaven, and think there is no Hell.

Funny how it is okay to blame God for evil and suffering in the world, but it is not necessary to thank Him for what is good and pleasant.

Funny how when something goes wrong we cry, "Lord, why me?" but when something goes right, we think, "Hey! it must be me!"

Oh wait...maybe all this isn't so "funny" after all.

2% or 98%

This is strange...can you figure it out?

Are you the 2% or 98% of the population?

Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD!

* Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.

* There's no trick or surprise.

* Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!

* Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them ... really. * Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something).
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Multiply that number by 9
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Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with

(example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c,etc.)
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Think of a country that starts with that letter
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Remember the last letter of the name of that country
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Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter
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Remember the last letter in the name of that animal
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Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange?
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I told you this was FREAKY! If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with kangaroos in Denmark when given this exercise.

Dear Friends,

Many of you may know by now the incident that happened to a friend last Friday at about 6:30 pm right in front of the thickly-populated area of BPI-Katipunan, near Shoppersville.

She parked her car right in front of BPI to make a withdrawal and to do some grocery. As she was getting into her car after doing her chores, a man suddenly appeared beside her and tried to bully her into moving to the passenger seat. When she pressed her car horn to call attention, he pushed her in the car and pinned her down with his elbow on her neck. it was a good thing that she had the presence of mind to continue to struggle and press on her car horn to catch attention (even if she had to use her foot to do this). her assailant even tried to make people believe that it was a domestic matter by telling the crowd not to get involved as it was a "private matter".

But with the onlookers multiplying by the second, her assailant finally gave up and ran. That was when she stood up and shouted for help. Thank god the guy got caught and is now under police custody.

Last Saturday, during the inquest, she told me that what gave her the guts to fight her assailant was the article, "THROUGH A RAPIST'S EYES" forwarded to our e-group about a week prior to her attack. I am re-forwarding the article (you can find it at the bottom of this e-mail) for everyone's benefit. Please tell your friends, family, and loved-ones about this. It works.

May Ii just add that to a certain extent, we have to get ourselves involved if we see violence being committed on anyone like calling on a security guard or a police officer even if it appears to be a domestic matter. It seems that a lot of attackers use that tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such a situation.

Everyone, please be very, very careful.

God bless.



Through a Rapist's Eyes

A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

The number one place women are abducted from/attacked at is grocery store parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is public restrooms.

The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.

These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands. Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.

Several defens e mechanisms that were taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: I can't believe it is so cold out here, we're in for a bad winter. Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up, you lose appeal as a target.

If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes), yelling 'I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY!' and holding it out will be a deterrent.

If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it, it hurts.

After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there.

When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.