the junkyard it's rubbish, it's clutter... but i just can't throw them to oblivion
Friday, November 28, 2003
Somewhere between the procrastination, and the homework, and the incessant forwards, and the friendships, and the calls to each other complaining about...... Somewhere between the phone calls to old friends, and the "I miss you's." and the "I love you's," and the "What are we doing tonight's?"... And somewhere between all of the changing and growing... Somewhere between the work. and the skipping work, and the pretending to work.......
I forgot......... I forgot what life is all about. I forgot what it meant to cry. I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you happy, and that pretending to be smart doesn't make you smart. I forgot that you can't just forget the past in fear of the future. I forgot that you can't control falling in love. and that you can't make yourself fall in love. I learned that I can love. I learned that it's okay to mess up, and it's okay to ask for help, and it's okay to feel like crud. I learned it's okay to complain and whine to all your friends for a whole day. I learned that sometimes the things you want most you just can't have.
I learned that the greatest thing about life isn't the dances or the drinking or the hook-ups. It's the friendships, which means taking chances. I learned that sometimes the things we want to forget are the things which we most need to talk about. I learned that letters from friends are the most important thing, and that sending cards to your friends makes you feel better.
But, basically, I just learned that my friends, both old and new, are a big part of the person that I've become and without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. So this is a thank you to all of my friends... for always being there and I love you.
Postscript: I've also learned that being family doesn't automatically make you friends. It still takes a little working out. But when you become friends with your family, it is a wonderful, wonderful thing. So this message goes out to my family as well.
Little Tommy (who was Jewish) was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything: tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of.
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Tommy came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello.
Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Tommy was hard at work.
His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he was done he marched back to his room without a word and in no time he was back hitting the books as hard as before.
This went on for some time, day after day while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Tommy brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table and went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, little Tommy got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said: "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Tommy looked at her and shook his head, "No!"
"Well, then," she replied, "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?"
Little Tommy looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."
Imelda Marcos died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said Imelda, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said Imelda. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Corazon Aquino's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Cory has only told two lies in her entire life so far."
"Where's Ferdinand Marcos' clock?" asked Imelda.
"Ferdie's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as ceiling fan.
Saw John in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so I thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat. All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed, and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated, but followed. I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on. After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh, and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up, but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and started to think that he was going to leave me, and that he had found someone else.
Okay, here's what you're supposed to do... and Don't Be Lame and spoil the fun. Just do it. Copy (NOT forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you will send. Change all of the answers so that they apply to you.
Then ADD A QUESTION OF YOUR OWN and send this to a whole bunch of people you know including the person who sent it to you.
The theory is that you will learn a lot of little facts about those who know you. Remember to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
Besides, it is fun to do something really really stupid.
01. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS? --> in a rented 5th floor flat on the east coast of Singapore, just hubby and me
02. WHAT ARE YOU READING NOW? --> Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdaine
03. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? --> mouse
04. YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME? --> Games of the Generals and Monopoly
05. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? --> I don't read magazines
06. FAVORITE SMELLS? --> hubby after his bath; freshly laundered clothes; sauteed garlic, onion and tomatoes; newly mopped floors and newly cleaned bathrooms, fresh bedsheets, Truth by CK
07. FAVORITE SOUND? --> I like all types of music except rap
08. WORST FEELING? --> having to worry about somebody's safety and well-being, it will not give you a break unless you push it down the drain
09. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP? --> time for a cup of coffee
10. FAVORITE COLOR(s)? --> earth colors, red and black
11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? --> as soon as I get to it
12. NAME OF FUTURE CHILD? --> yeah, like I can only dream on
13. MOST IMPORTANT THING(s) IN LIFE? --> peace in knowing I'm not doing anything to hurt my God and disgust myself, family and friends
14. FAVORITE FOODS? a whole lot, but I will never say no to ice-cream, chips and nuts
15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? --> chocolate
16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? --> don't drive, I'm a scaredy cat
17. SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? --> yeah, a black and white striped seal
18. STORMS -- COOL OR SCARY? --> cool
19. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? --> never had a first car
20. WHERE IS YOUR FAVORITE VACATION PLACE? --> beach
21. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE? --> Gandhi
22. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? --> tequilla sunrise and tom collins
23. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? --> capricorn
24. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? --> yes
25. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE? --> a writer
26. PEPSI OR COKE? --> coke
27. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? --> always brimming to the top
28. FAVORITE MOVIE? --> nah-uh, not enough space
29. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? --> yes, I'm a master typer... hehe
30. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? --> nothing
31. FAVORITE NUMBER? --> 8, used to be 7
32. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? --> whatever
33. WHAT IS CURRENTLY IN YOUR CD PLAYER? --> Crowded House
34. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS: --> Dhoizz?... hehe, a bubbly character,,, oh, and he's getting married... hmmm, maybe I'll blog about him and tell you all about it *wink*
35. NAME A PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND: --> Bruce Springsteen... ha! ha! ha!
36. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: --> my grandmother, God rest her soul
37. NAME ONE THING THAT YOU DID THAT YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD NEVER DO. --> get married
38. WHAT WAS THE NICEST THING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU THIS WEEK? --> shopping alone
39. NAME THE ONE THING THAT YOU LOVE DOING BUT DON'T HAVE THE GUTS TO DO.--> drive a car
40. IF YOU WERE TO HAVE ONE MAGICAL POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE AND WHY? time travel, I've always loved feeling how people lived in the olden days
41. NAME ONE PERSON YOU WOULD LIKE TO SPEND YOUR LAST DAY WITH? can't... it will have to be with everybody
42. DO YOU BELIEVE IN DESTINY? yeah, only wish we could turn destiny's head in the direction we'd like it to look... teehee
43. WHAT DO YOU DO WHLE TAKING A DUMP? --> play games on my phone :)
44. WHO IS YOUR IDOL? ---> *shrugs shoulders*
45. REASONS WHY YOU ARE LATE FOR WORK?--> not applicable
46. OUR LIVES ARE SHAPED BY PEOPLE WHO LOVES US AND WHO DOESN'T LOVE US...U BELIEVE THIS? it could but it shouldn't, not all the way, at least
47. My question: If you are, why are you answering all these stuff?
Little Nancy was in the garden filling up a hole in the dirt when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him.
The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
There once was a man named George Thomas, pastor in a small New England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit.
Eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak...
"I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and frightened. I stopped the lad and asked, "What you got there, son?! "
"Just some old birds," came the reply.
"What are you gonna do with them?" I asked.
"Take 'em home and have fun with 'em," he answered. "I'm gonna tease 'em and pull out their feathers to make 'em fight. I'm gonna have a real good time."
"But you'll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do?"
"Oh, I got some cats," said the little boy. "They like birds. I'll take 'em to them."
The pastor was silent for a moment.
"How much do you want for those birds, son?"
"Huh?? !!! Why, you don't want them birds, mister. They're just plain old field birds. They don't sing. They ain't even pretty!"
"How much?" the pastor asked again.
The boy sized up the pa! stor as if he were crazy and said, "$10?"
The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill. He placed it in the boy's hand. In a flash, the boy was gone. The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of the alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot. Setting the cage down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting them free. Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story.
One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting.
"Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!"
"What are you! going to do with them?" Jesus asked.
Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna have fun!"
"And what will you do when you get done with them?" Jesus asked.
"Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly.
"How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked.
"Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you. You don't want those people!!"
"How much? He asked again.
Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your blood, tears and your life."
Jesus said, "DONE!" Then He paid the price.
The pastor picked up the cage he opened the door and he walked from the pulpit.
Note: Personally, I think the metaphor used in the story is a bit lame. By having the pastor pay the kid $10 for the birds, he was able to free the birds but failed to teach the kid some valuable lessons. However, it's not really the point of the whole thing so I guess that's alright. Just don't miss the point.
Usually anyone who has a dog calls him Rover or some such name. I called mine SEX. SEX is a very embarrassing name. One day I took SEX out for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for that dog. A policeman came up to me and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 am in the morning... I said "I'm looking for SEX " .....My case comes up next Thursday....
One day I went to the town hall to get a license for SEX. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for SEX, he said he would like one too. When I said " this is a dog!" , he didin't care what she looked like. Then I said " you don't understand I had SEX when I was four years old! " he replied. "You must have been a very strong boy."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister I'd like to have SEX at the wedding, he told me to wait after the ceremony. I said " but SEX is a big part of my life and my whole life revolves around SEX!." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and he would not marry us in a church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having SEX there. The next day, we were married by a justice of peace. My family was barred from the church.
My wife and I took the dog with us on our honeymoon. When I checked into the motel, I told the clerk I wanted a room for my wife and I and a special room for SEX. Then the clerk said the everyroom in the hotel is for SEX. Then I said " you don't understand, SEX keeps me awake at night." Then the clerk said " Me too!!"
When my wife and I separated, we went to the court to fight for the custody of the dog, I said " your honor I had sex before I was married." And the judge said " me too!!"
Well now I've been thrown in jail, divorced and had more damn trouble with that dog. Why just the other day, I went for my first session with my psychiatrist, she asked ' What seems to be the problem?" I replied, " Well, SEX has died and left my life. It's like losing a bestfriend, it's so lonely. The doctor looked at me and said " Mister, you and me know that SEX isn't a man's bestfriend, so get yourself a DOG!!!"
Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married'!"
A long time ago, there was an Emperor who told his horseman that if he could ride on his horse and cover as much land area as he likes, then the Emperor would give him the area of land he has covered.
Sure enough, the horseman quickly jumped onto his horse and rode as fast as possible to cover as much land area as he could. He kept on riding and riding, whipping the horse to go as fast as possible. When he was hungry or tired, he did not stop because he wanted to cover as much area as possible.
Came to a point when he had covered a substantial area and he was exhausted and was dying. Then he asked himself, "Why did I push myself so hard to cover so much land area? Now I am dying and I only need a very small area to bury myself."
The above story is similar with the journey of our Life.
We push very hard everyday to make more money, to gain power and recognition. We neglect our health, time with our family and to appreciate the surrounding beauty and the hobbies we love.
One day when we look back, we will realize that we don't really need that much, but then we cannot turn back time for what we have missed.
Life is not about making money, acquiring power or recognition. Life is definitely not about work!
Work is only necessary to keep us living so as to enjoy the beauty and pleasures of life. Life is a balance of Work and Play, Family and Personal time. You have to decide how you want to balance your Life. Define your priorities, realize what you are able to compromise but always let some of your decisions be based on your instincts. Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of Life, the whole aim of human existence.
So, take it easy, do what you want to do and appreciate nature. Life is fragile, Life is short. Do not take Life for granted. Live a balanced lifestyle and enjoy Life!
Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
In order to form a more perfect kiss, enable the mighty hug to promote to whom we please but one kiss.
Article 1 : Statement of Love: The Kiss
1. Kiss on the hand.... I adore you
2. Kiss on the cheek... I just want to be friends
3. Kiss on the neck... I want you
4. Kiss on the lips... I love you
5. Kiss on the ears... I am just playing
6. Kiss anywhere else ... let's not get carried away
7. Look in your eyes ... kiss me
8. Playing with your hair... I can't live without you
9. Hand on your waist... I love you too much to let you go
Article 2: The Three Steps
1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him
2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good
3. Guy and Girls: Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare
Article 3: The Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze to hard.
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one.
3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity.
Remember:
a peach is a peach
a plum is a plum
a kiss isn't a kiss without some tongue
so open up your mouth
close your eyes
and give your tongue some exercise
Lastly, here are some reasons why guys like girls...
1. they will always smell good even if its just shampoo
2. the way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder
3. how cute they look when they sleep
4. he ease with which they fit into our arms
5. the way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world
6. how cute they are when they eat
7. The way they take hours to get dressed but in the end makes it all worth while
8. because they are always warm even when it's minus 30 outside
9. the way they look good no matter what they wear
10. the way they fish for compliments even though you both know that you think she's the
most beautiful thing on this earth
11. How cute they are when they argue
12. the way her hand always finds yours
13. the way they smile
14. the way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after you just had a big fight
15. the way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know that an hour later you will be arguing about something
16. the way they kiss when you do something nice for them
17. the way they kiss you when you say "I love you'
18. actually ... it's just the way they kiss you...
19. the way they fall into your arms when they cry
20. then the way they apologize for crying over something that's silly
21. the way they hit you and expect it to hurt
22. then the way they apologize when it does hurt
23. the way they say "I miss you"
24. the way you miss them
25. The way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore.....Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them ... it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound,you know that your own life is inevitably consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons. No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart.
One day, a one dollar bill and a hundred dollar bill got folded together and began talking about their life experiences.
The hundred dollar bill began to brag:
"I've had a great life," he said. "I've been to all the big hotels, Donald Trump himself used me at his casino, I've been in the wallets of Fortune 500 board members, I've flown from one end of the country to the other! I've even been in the wallet of two Presidents of the United States, and once when Princess Diana visited the US, she used me to buy a packet of gum."
In awe, the dollar humbly responded, "Gee, nothing like that has ever happened to me, ...but I have been to Church a lot!"
Below is a copy of an e-mail I received concerning some frightening stuff.
"Bob" Trussell
Sierra Cascade Province
Occupational Safety and Health Manager
Lassen National Forest
Subject: Warning Gas Pumps
Hello folks-- what else is going to happen in this crazy country. Be careful--PLEASE.
Warning: look at the gas pump handle BEFORE you pump your gas
Please read and forward to anyone you know who drives a car.
My name is Captain Abraham Sands of the Jacksonville, Florida Police Department. I have been asked by state and local authorities to write this email in order to get the word out to car drivers of a very dangerous prank that is occurring in numerous states.
Some person or persons have been affixing hypodermic needles to the underside of gas pump handles!
These needles appear to be infected with HIV positive blood.
In the Jacksonville area alone there have been 17 cases of people being stuck by these needles over the past five months.
We have verified reports of at least 12 others in various states around the country.
It is believed that these may be copycat incidents due to someone reading about the crimes or seeing them reported on the television.
At this point no one has been arrested and catching the perpetrator(s) has become our top priority.
Shockingly, of the 17 people who where stuck, eight have tested HIV positive and because of the nature of the disease, the others could test positive in a couple years.
Evidently the consumers go to fill their car with gas, and when picking up the pump handle get stuck with the infected needle.
IT IS IMPERATIVE TO CAREFULLY CHECK THE HANDLE of the gas pump each time you use one.
LOOK AT EVERY SURFACE YOUR HAND MAY TOUCH, INCLUDING UNDER THE HANDLE!
If you do find a needle affixed to one, immediately contact your local police department so they can collect the evidence.
PLEASE HELP US BY MAINTAINING A VIGILANCE AND BY FORWARDING THIS EMAIL TO ANYONE YOU KNOW WHO DRIVES.
THE MORE PEOPLE WHO KNOW OF THIS THE BETTER PROTECTED WE CAN ALL BE.
Rose Lambert,
Chief Aide to Supervisor Gerry Hyland
Mount Vernon District
2511 Parkers Lane
Alexandria, VA 22306
Mrs. Papadopoulos comes to visit her son Costa for dinner...who lives with a female roommate Vikki...
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Costa's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Costa and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Costa volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Vikki and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Vikki came to Costa saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to! be sure." So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Costa
Several days later, Costa received a response email from his Mother which read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Vikki, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
"Eighty-four! Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore,
and you can spend all your time loving each other in your
bedroom." (Judy, 8)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE??
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy
her a big ring and a VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the
wedding.' (Darby,7)
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
somebody to clean up after them!" (Lynette, 9)
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid.
I don't need that kind of trouble." (Kenny, 7)
CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE
"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do
with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so
popular." (Jan, 9)
"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something,
but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." (Harlen, 8)
HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE?
"Mooshy -- like puppy dogs -- except puppy dogs don't wag their
tails nearly as much." (Arnold, age 10)
ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."(Roger,9)
CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they
paid good money for them." (Dave, 8)
"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down
the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing."(John, age 9)
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE
"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The
Simpsons' are on television." (Anita, 6)
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I
have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls
keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)
THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you
have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."
(Ava, 8)
SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get
attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love."(Alonzo,9)
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something
she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." (Bart, 9)
HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire.
They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts
are...on fire." (Christine , 9)
HOW WAS KISSING INVENTED?
"I know one reason that kissing was created. It makes you feel
warm all over, and they didn't always have electric heat or
fireplaces or even stoves in their houses." (Gina, age 8)
HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS
"You can have a big rehearsal with your Barbie and Ken dolls."
(Julia, age 7)
"You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the
best of you." (Doug, 7)
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you.
That's why I stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)
"If it's your mother, you can kiss her anytime. But if it's a new
person, you have to ask permission." (Roger, age 6)
HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work."(Tom,7)
"Don't forget your wife's name.It will mess up the love.(Roger,8)
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never
take out the trash." (Bobby, 9)
"Don't say you love somebody and then change your mind -- Love
isn't like picking what movie you want to watch." (Natalie,age 9)
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said "good morning, Father, good morning, Father", nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them. Once again the two priests in mufti settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a while, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a g-string, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said "good morning, Father" and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said. "Just a minute young lady."
"Yes?" she replied.
"We are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests dressed as we are?"
mga bagay-bagay na kasalukuyang kinaiinisan...
george w bush's smirk, mga pangalan na nilalagyan ng "h" (katulad ng jhune, dhanny, jhoey, jhim, jhay, jhet, mayron pa nga akong kilalang piph), tunog ng baril ni agent X44 Tony Falcon, tunog ng suntok ng mga pelikulang pinoy, people who say "at the end of the day" all the time, allergic reactions to seafood, tunog ng stirofoam pag pinisil, tunog ng kinaskas na kuko sa blackboard, war, alikabok, the term "weapons of mass destruction", sales people who always say "absolutely", people who don't take a bath everyday, anghit, people who don't change their shirts everyday, tropical heat, people with anghit who don't take a bath and don't change their shirts everyday at kasabay mong maglakad in the tropical heat, cnn's jim clancey's reporting, monday afternoons, NAIA, the term "liberating the iraqi people", jeepney fumes, standing on a bus going home, cruise missles, pelikulang bumbay, stale coffee, tomahawk missles, january 2, ping lacson, tessie aquino ureta, pimples, powdered orange juice, elevator music, kenny-g's music, elevator playing kenny-g's music, donald rumsfeld's squint, funeral parlors, hospitals, hospital morgues, cold showers, nagtataeng ballpen, nagtataeng ballpen na nakalagay sa bulsa ng puting polo shirt, lapis na bale, disco music, rap music, loud bar music, loud rap music played in a bar, non-functioning remote control, scientific calculators that are not casio, automatic watches that stop in the middle of the night, smelly farts that are not mine, come to think of it - any kind of fart that did not come from my asshole, "bawal umihi dito" signs (ang mahole, bogbog), sunglasses na tabingi pag sinuot mo, yellow-orange shirts, pink pants for men, pantalon na bitin, lalaki na naka yellow-orange shirt na may ternong pink pants na bitin, lawlaw na shorts, tsinelas na luma, loud preachers inside a bus (PRAISE THE GOD!), el shaddai, amerikana ni brother mike, brother mike, good friday, american war propaganda, train stations in india, being thirsty, LBM, smelly hair, ugly american speeches, tinapay na may amag, mainit na coke, soft boiled egg na sobrang soft, CNN reporters na pumipikit-pikit pag nagrereport, sign pen na walang tinta, CD na tumatalon, abstract painting na binebenta sa bangketa sa quiapo, palenkeng maputik, cell phones ringing inside theatres, sappy love song ring tones, sappy love song ringtones ringing inside theatres, loud text message ringtones, mcdo hamburgers na may chii sauce, taxes, ringing phones at 2 o clock in the morning, traffic jams, fast changing traffic lights, war councils, tapilok, somebody wearing turtle neck sweaters in manila, somebody wearing leather jackets in manila, somebody wearing leather jackets over tutleneck sweaters in manila, the term "decisive force", censorship, self righteous people, self righteous censors, names i can't pronounce, people calling me "david", riding in a car that's been left baking in an open parking lot in manila at 12 o clock noon, pentel pen na malapit nang maubusan ng tinta, the disco song entitled "zodiac", low batt cellphone right when you need it, underpowered cars, stars on 45 music, stars on 45 music being played inside buses, stars on 45 being played inside a bus when a preacher suddenly shouts "PRAISE THE LORD" while you are a few seconds from finally taking a nap, funeral wreathes, lumang pera, kahit anong pelikula ni steven segal (except yung kasama niya si idol kong tommy lee jones), ang mukha ni prime minister john howard ng australia, "operation iraqi freedom"...
...AND, the most kinaiinisang bagay-bagay as of late: the term "shock and awe"
